No Greater Love

Well, 2010 has definitely begun with some interesting turn of events.
Surely life is what happens while we are busy making other plans...
much to my surprise I find myself planning and plotting only to be back to where I started. I finally realized that all the rational thinking in the world was not going to keep me from loving deeply and risking heartache once again. In the past 7 months or so I have grown so much, and learned so much - about what it means to love and to include God in every moment and every decision. I'm starting to be aware of my feelings and paying closer attention to my reactions and factoring those in when making decisions. I've also discovered what it truly means to have self-respect.

I have to laugh a little at my last post, because I was thinking about past relationships, and I know now that somewhere within me it wasn't quite over. I just wish I wasn't so hopeful, and had the opportunity to express how I am truly feeling. I'm praying now for patience in that situation.

Well, in all honesty, that is not what brought me to blog today, but I had to get that off my mind and out in the world.
Now, for the real deal. My dear friend and former JVC community member is constantly giving me books to read. The latest that she urged I read and gave to me (with the condition that I give it back or pass it on to someone else) is called The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. (http://www.thesimpleway.org/about/) Like other books that she has passed on and strongly recommended that I read, it has begun to stir something inside of me. It is making me restless. I'm not even halfway through yet, but it fills me with such an earnest feeling of "I have to do something like this".
He talks about living a life as an "ordinary radical", getting back to the roots of Christianity and living life as Jesus instructs us to- with love, in community and solidarity with all our brothers and sisters - particularly those struggling with poverty. To let go of the material attachments, and be there with one another, to see Jesus in others. It makes me want to drop everything. I feel like I don't have the courage and motivation right now, but that deep down I know that even though that lifestyle will also be difficult, that I will be genuinely happy. From what I recall some of my happiest days were during my Year of JVC and working at Girl Scout camp. What those experiences have in common were (in simple words): 1) simplicity 2)community 3) play 4)time spent outdoors 5)teaching 6) music - in each experience I was able to find joy in the simple pleasures of life, and didn't have technology (particularly the internet) at the center of my life. It was the relationships that mattered most. That and eating together - I think that times spent eating together can really add to the joy of life.

Anyway, I have been "ruined for Life", but haven't been doing as much about it lately as I know I should be, and as my heart yearns for. I can feel the call to further service, and now I just have to figure out where, what, and how.