New Adventures right at home

 Hello blog world...if anyone reads this, thank you.

So much time has passed since my last entry and so much life has happened. It's been a wild ride. I am so thankful that 2020 finally brought with it my heart's greatest desire. Unfortunately it brought a lot of crazy history making moments to the world. What should have been the best year was also more challenging in more ways than expected. So, we welcomed our daughter into the world just as things started shifting and a worldwide pandemic began. It hasn't been easy. We are all just trying to survive in this new life that was suddenly thrust upon us. 

Aside from the bright spot of having my daughter and getting the privilege to stay home full time with her over the past year, rediscovering my love of writing has been another benefit. I started a 31 day writing and meditation course about a year ago, and recently picked it up again (it's a gift that keeps on giving, and I'm so grateful for it- let me know if you are curious about it). So, I journey back to this blog as I am suddenly feeling inspired to start sharing some of my writing from here. Still debating if I want to use this same blog or start something new, we shall see. For now this is it.

Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for some fresh new writing soon!! 

Greatest joy, greatest sorrow

Hello again world, it's been a while. I'm taking another leap of faith in throwing out more vulnerability into the blog world.

So much has changed in the two years that I have not written. Life has happened in ways I never imagined. I've felt more pain and more joy.
I've sat with my own pain, my own sadness, my own relief and joy. I've sat with others in countless sessions, sharing in their pain, growth and joy. I've learned a tremendous amount about the fragility of life and the strength of the human spirit. I've learned about the amazing powers of the mind-body connection.

I saw the beginning of life, a small heartbeat, a small being growing inside me one week, and the next it was gone.
I experienced the heartbreak of becoming a mother without her baby...and then having it happen again almost 2 years later.
The one thing I have desired most in my life has been briefly given and taken away, which brought in questioning of myself (what am I doing wrong) and my faith (why would a loving God do such a thing). It was a long journey of more than a year after the first loss, and I had come to a place of healing. I spent time in prayer and the biggest help (aside from the support of my loving family) was bibliotherapy in the form of the book "Love Letters to Miscarried Moms" by Samantha Evans. Sam writes with a powerful voice that combines the serious and a sense of humor, spirituality and daily life. It's real and I connected with this in a way that really helped me put things in perspective at a time when I was really struggling. I highly recommend the book!

Recently I made the difficult decision to leave my job. I've been there about 3 years and it has been a great learning experience. I've met some great people (staff and clients) and really feel I grew in my career and confidence. I learned how to work on self-care and boundary setting even more- I started speaking up for myself and learning to let go of perfectionism. The decision was not made lightly, but due to ongoing stress, I decided I needed a break if I was going to have a successful, healthy pregnancy. Originally my plan was to stop working due to pregnancy and focus on taking care of myself and my growing baby. Sadly my most recent pregnancy was cut short as little one's heart was slow and eventually stopped.
So in just a few weeks time, I will close this chapter of my life and set out once again into the unknown. It is both exciting and scary. I am trying my best to plan out my time, so I can be productive as well as use the time for restoring my body, mind and spirit back to health.

My last post prior to this I wrote about my goals. Health, fun/connection, creativity, and spirituality. I think in a lot of ways, these are the core goals I will continue to work on. To build my physical and mental health by staying active (yoga, dance, walking) and eating well balanced meals that help my body to function at it's best. To remain connected with others in my life and enjoying what life/other people have to offer. To continue to create - writing, drawing/painting, meals, crocheting...the list goes on. To create myself, to use my creativity, to create new life... To nourish my spirituality in ways that help me connect, grow and love.

let go of the brokenness within

Here is my update on my goals:

Health:
This one needs a lot of work. I'm on the lookout for motivation. I am working on decreasing portion sizes. I want to start into a Zumba or yoga class, as these have been areas I have had success in the past following up on. It's just about finding the right opportunity (time, money, location that work with my work schedule and budget). I found one Zumba course that is in a close location but doesn't start until March, so I'm on the hunt to find something until then. Keep thinking about getting the gym key at the apartment complex, just have to get myself to go there, pay them and start my routine!


Fun/Connection:
This one is actually not going too bad :) Just have to keep the momentum going. Had a nice family dinner on Monday with mom and sister. Last night hubby and I played cards, which we haven't really done before together. It was actually quite fun. I look forward to more nights like that. I enjoy a good game night!

Creativity:
So this is going fairly good for the time being. I actually did pull out my crochet hook and some yarn the other day and started on a blanket. The yarn isn't the softest, but it's a pretty color. I forgot how much fun it was to crochet. Again, just have to keep it going. It's a great activity to do while hubby watches football- I can sit with him, not feel too bored and do something semi-productive! I'm hoping to finish the blanket before or by the time we have a baby... (no, no news, just something to keep me motivated). Though, I may have to find some softer yarn...
I've also found myself doodling more again while at work. I hadn't done this for a while, but recently while on the phone I noticed I started doing it, and some neat stuff was emerging. Time to pick up the Zentangles again soon too, maybe.

Spirituality:
I'm continuing to listen to the station to and from work that boosts my spiritual growth. It's actually quite interesting. I'm realizing the difference it can make in how I feel too. I rediscovered one of my favorites Matt Maher. Currently enjoy listening to his song on repeat: http://www.vevo.com/watch/matt-maher/Deliverer/USV3M1500047

It put me in a better mood tonight on my drive home. Also trying to get back into "finding God in all things", especially in the work I'm doing. Also, having a lot of nostalgic memories of JVC year tonight, and thinking of my good friend whom I have only had limited written correspondence with over the past few years as she has been in the convent. It's amazing how I still can feel so connected to someone who I have not spoken to in a couple years. God places some people in our paths, and no matter how far we journey from them, it seems they are close to our hearts. Spiritual friendship, it seems can be just as powerful as face to face.



Remember, be gentle with yourself. Let go and be open to change.

Goodbye 2015, Hello 2016!

Well, another year has gone by - another year full of change, growth, struggle, faith, family and fun. I am so very grateful for the experiences I had over the last year that continue to shape me. I have fond memories of starting 2015 in India with my husband and family there. We traveled to the West Coast and had whirlwind adventures of a lifetime for our first wedding anniversary. I spent time as a stay at home house wife/job searcher...I started honing my South Indian culinary skills. I volunteered at a lovely neighborhood center where I learned so much more about working with toddlers. I worked a per diem job that I started the year with in 2015 and ended the year with a new full time job in a new/old state. I spent the year adjusting (sort of) to New York, and then moved back closer to "home", closer to my family. We rang in the New Year 2016 just the two of us, cozy and quiet in our new-ish apartment. It was perfect, in a way, for us two homebodies to enjoy bringing in a new year. Yet, it was also sort of ironic; As a couple our goal for the year is to have more fun and connect better with friends and family. We spend much of our free time alone together at home, but we decided now that we have a nice roomy apartment that is perfect for entertaining, that it was time to put it to use. We did have our first gathering for family before Thanksgiving, and made a lovely brunch (a learning experience in itself). At the start of the new year 2016 we bought a few new games in order to go with the theme of fun. I'm hoping it means we can have a few game nights. We made a home cooked Indian meal of chappati, beef olathiyathu and vegetable thoran for friends this past Saturday, the first non-family guests we've had here so far. I'm hoping it's just the start!

As usual, as the new year starts, my head is full of the goals I have yet to accomplish and the things I'd like to do better. One year I read about "buckets" for goals. My main "buckets" are: Health, Fun, Connection, Creativity, Spirituality.

Health:
As usual, one of my priorities is Health and Fitness. I need to get myself in better shape. My job is much less active than previous positions, and I spend more time sitting at my desk. My goal is to move more, both at work and home. I want to be able to be stronger, more flexible, and at a healthy weight. Not just for myself, but as we (eventually)begin growing our family I need to be in healthy shape.
This means finding an exercise routine that works, sticking to it, and enjoying it.
This means eating healthier, watching my portions and decreasing intake of sugar and unhealthy fats, processed foods.
This means a lifestyle change - not just "diet and exercise", but changing my relationship to these ideas.


Fun/Connection:
As I mentioned, the other goal that I had was to have fun and connect with others. I want to enjoy the life I have been given to the fullest. Working in the position I am in often reminds me on a daily basis how blessed I truly am, and how quickly life can change. I have been given so much and worked hard to get where I am. There are so many people in my life who have helped get me here, and I need to reach out to them. In thinking about ways to meet this goal, I think maybe a good step is to have some sort of fun "event" planned each week, and initiate at least 1 gathering or get together per month.
I'd like to connect better with my husband too - more face to face time talking about life goals and doing fun and adventurous things together.

Creativity:
This is so essential, and I always forget just how much better I feel when I get to use the gift of creativity. I don't know what the step will be yet for this goal bucket, except to say to use my creativity in some way on a daily basis, whether it is coloring in one of my adult coloring books, creating a meal or baking a new recipe, or pulling out my crochet needles and starting some projects. Only time will tell on this one. I'm gonna leave it open for now :)

Spirituality:

I think part of this ties in with creativity. The other part has to do with faith and prayer. Another thing that makes me feel more balanced is having a strong connection with God. I feel this through prayer, through art, through music, in the meaningful work that I do on a daily basis. It helps me get through the struggles. It gives me the strength to do my work. It humbles me. It lifts me up. I recently discovered a Christian contemporary station on the radio and have been listening to it on my drives to work the past week or so (and coming home sometimes too). I can notice a difference in how I feel when I play the radio in general, but the songs really speak to the heart and bring my mind back to a more peaceful place. It is a gentle nudge to go back to the God who created me and give thanks for the blessings, and the struggles that help me to grow.


On that note, my last goal (for this entry :P) is to blog more consistently. This year I would like to keep track of progress toward these goals (some overlap of my 30 things in 30th year). I'm hoping that giving this structure, I can make at least a small comment on my progress on at least a monthly, if not weekly, basis.

Here's to all the good things to come in 2016!

Exploring somewhere new

So one of the 30 things on my list was to travel somewhere new. Done! (Though I hope to travel more in the next year if we can). It was a beautiful trip, and I just fell in love with all the magnificent sights! Here are just a few:

There is so much beauty left to explore in this world. The sad thing is that there's not enough time or money to see it all, so choices will have to be made.
Can't wait to do more exploring! So blessed to be able to do so.

It's Canada Day

I've always been intrigued by the idea that my birthday falls on Canada Day, despite the fact I'm not Canadian. I don't know much about it, so I decided to do a bit of research (ie: a quick google search). I found some interesting articles that I skimmed. Here are two:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/how-canada-is-perceived-around-the-world-1.3132343

http://mentalfloss.com/article/31069/what-exactly-canada-day

Now that the mini-history lesson is done, on to the rest of my blogging. This past weekend we celebrated my birthday with my family and international friends that were visiting. My mom also broke out the top layer of our wedding cake in celebration of our first anniversary. Due to the fact that she only put it in the refrigerator in the days that followed, we did not actually partake in the tradition of eating it. She bought a "replicated" cake which we cut and shared. Then the next day we had a lovely Swedish Princess cake (the green one in the photos) homemade by my Swedish friends who were visiting. We also went to a wine tasting at a vineyard, which was lovely.

Today I turn 30. A whole 3 decades are now behind me! It's a bit hard to believe. Many people seem to "dread" turning 30, but I have actually been looking forward to it for the past couple years. It's like a right of passage in a way and I feel more officially an "adult" (Even though sometimes I still wish I was a kid). I can't wait to see what the next year and decade will bring. All I can guess is it is sure to be filled with more transitions. leaps of faith, and lots of adventures!

Summer Adventures

Well, it's official ---- I am not (yet) a good blogger. I cannot seem to finish what I start here in the blog world. I guess I'm a more dedicated blog reader really, not as much with writing it these days. It's still my goal to change that. While I'm changing things, I want to make an amendment to my last post. I apologize to anyone who was eagerly anticipating reading my list of 30 things before thirty - I'm changing it to 30 things to accomplish in my 30th year - maybe more manageable :)

1. Reconnect with friends and family - take time to call at least one person once a week. This is to work on reaching out more from my introvert phone-phobic shell and having real conversations (or even small talk) with people.

2. Establish a working exercise routine. The hubby and I started doing some light stretching together in the mornings, which I think is a good start, but I need to improve on this and add more vigorous exercise as recommended by my doctor. I am not as flexible or in shape as I once was. Any suggestions are welcomed for maintaining a routine (I'm really good at starting, just not on follow through).

3. Write more often. This is something I've loved to do since I was a kid and learned to read and write. My hope is to do some work on the stories I have had ideas for since my JVC and college days and turn them into something more. Or simply to write more in the blog, or journal or poems. Just to take time each day to write something and let my creativity come back to me.

4. Try new foods. In the home or outside, just to try something new and expand my pallet and/or cooking skills.

5. Finish at least 5 books. I used to be an avid reader. Lately I start a book and cannot seem to finish. Maybe I just haven't found the right one. Suggestions welcome for those books that are hard to put down because they captivate your attention.

6. Travel somewhere new.

7. Explore local areas that I have took for granted, and truly experience what they have to offer.

8. Find a job I can fall in love with again. Something where I feel happy to get up and go most mornings ( I know there will always be mornings I just want to stay home and in bed, but something worth pushing myself for).

9. Make homemade butter. I never thought about this until recently, as in yesterday. I was tourist-ing around NYC with some friends and we were in the MOMA design store where I saw a contraption that makes making your own butter seem pretty darn easy. I want to try that! (with or without the fancy gadget)

10. Be more focused on my spiritual life. I use to be good at this. It isn't always the best lately. Spiritual journaling, prayer, etc. I do try to do the "contemplative in action" thing, but I need to learn how to add more structured prayer time in my day, and more communal prayer (ie: nighttime prayer with hubby, joining a women's group...)

11. Make new friends. A follow up to the first item on this list. I am not very good at this. I often enjoy my hermit life, or spending time with my hubby or family. However, I realized that in the past year in this new city I have been relatively isolated, aside from a few visits with friends and people I connected with one or two times, and work.

12. Participate in a 5K (or something less) - walking, jogging or running. I'd like to get myself in shape and be able to do something like this. A color run or one for a good cause might do the trick. I need to pick a date and train.

13. Make homemade ginger ale. I saw this on an episode of "Good Eats" with Alton Brown. Seems like a fun thing to do. I love the Bruce Coast Ginger Ale, but it's so expensive. If I can make my own, imagine how much money we could save!

14. Successfully grow a plant from a seed.

15. Learn more Malayalam. I want to be able to converse more (or at least understand more) when communicating with hubby's family.

16. Take a dance class - I loved dance as a kid. I'd love to get into a class for adults - maybe ballet or tap, or even ballroom.

17. Host a game night. I enjoy playing board games, card games, etc. I want to host a game night with friends - apples to apples anyone? :)

18. Go to Mexico and/or Canada.

19. See Niagara Falls (from both sides)

20. Reduce the amount of junk in my possession - sell, give away, throw away all the stuff that just takes up space and increases my anxiety. Learn to let go of attachments

21. Take up swimming, yoga or Zumba (kind of overlaps with a couple others ,but hey, why not?)

22. Crochet a blanket again

23. Bake homemade bread (to go with the homemade butter, of course)

24. Become more knowledgeable/specialized in an evidence based model of practice for my career

25. Get my cholesterol level down and my vitamin D level up (ie: two concrete ways to see if I am working on the goal of "getting healthier")

26. Do a write up in my Family Book with details on both family of origin and marriage

27. Learn to make Italian food from my aunt

28. Learn to make Puttu from scratch, without the mix

29. Post some samples of my writing or art on the blog

30. Join a club/group related to an interest or hobby, or to learn something new