Right now I have a lot on my mind. So much so I'm not sure I'll get it down the way I want to express it.
Which brings me to my first thought/point- I realized, after reading some other blogs, that I often just recount my daily/weekly events and it's very much "I did this" and "I feel that". I really want this to be more than just about me - I want it to truly capture ideas on growth and faith and love and life (albeit, mostly it will continue to be about "me" and my experiences with these things).
Anyway, I finally got up the motivation last night to start cleaning my room, and did more work on it today- I can finally see a good chunk of my floor again! :)
De-cluttering is so hard, but in the end so worth it too. I just wish I wasn't so attached to so many things or thinking I'll "need" things some day... Like the hundreds of books around my room. Some of which I've read, others which are sitting, waiting to be read, collecting dust in the process.
Ok, so I started writing this post last night and at the time had a lot on my mind. Then as the post sat here over night, life kind of happened, and most of those things were pushed to the back burner. One of them were these lyrics that were on my mind last night:
"And I wont be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me then any one I've ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself
And so i say to you, this is what i have to do." (Missy Higgins, "Where I stood")
Not to say that this still isn't on my mind, but it's been pushed back a little, always lingering there.
On another note, I was reading the blog of author Rebecca Wells yesterday, which spurred more thoughts and reflecting on my part. Ever since I read her letter to the reader in the book Little Altars Everywhere, I've felt connected/inspired by her. Anyway, she wrote a post entitled "If broke, choose love". http://www.rebeccawellsbooks.com/?p=188
It was a powerful entry that caused me to think about the broken things (objects/relationships)in my life, as well as the power of love to heal. (I admit, I wrote something that was better than what I'm writing now, but lost it when I realized I was no longer logged in, and had to rewrite it all... sad). Well, she also included the following quote by Thomas Merton, which I really love:
"As long as we are on earth, the love that unites us will bring us suffering by our very contact with one another, because this love is a resetting of a body of broken bones. Even saints cannot live with saints on this earth without some anguish, without some pain at the differences that come between them. There are two things which men can do about the pain of disunion with other men. They can love or they can hate. Hatred recoils from the sacrifice and the sorrow that are the price of this resetting of bones. It refuses the pain of reunion. But love by the acceptance of the pain of reunion, begins to heal all wounds." Thomas Merton
I just think it is such an accurate description of the necessity of breaking, how integral suffering is in our lives. I also think that her post so perfectly depicted the intricacies of life- both the joy and pain- that make it beautiful. Life is beautiful. Sometimes we have to break to be changed, to make something normal into something beautiful. something old recycled into something new.
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