So we come again to the end of another year. I reach 25 and a half. And decide it's a good time to resume blogging after not doing it for a while.
Part of not writing here comes from the fact that I have been so incredibly busy with work and school and interning. It has been wonderful, and I've also tried to make some time for friends in between. However, I am feeling somewhat distressed by the fact that I have not actually been a very good friend. I have excellent friends who are supportive and caring, but I feel like I have not reached out to all the people I care about to let them know that. I've never been very good at that, except through writing. But this year I didn't even send out cards to most people. I have isolated myself from the community that I believed so strongly in, and have thrown myself into work. I've hung out with work friends, but honestly that's about it.
2010 has been a weird year. I did grow a lot and learn a lot, particularly in my professional life. Making the decision to go to grad school was just what I needed. I am happy with that decision and where it is taking me so far. However, I feel that for every step and risk I take, I find myself sliding backwards every now and then. Then I get hard on myself and feel down because I can't stay moving forward.
I shouldn't feel depressed- I have a lot to be thankful for, and a lot of positive things happening in my life. I just got my grades, and so far am maintaining my 4.0 average. I had my best year yet at work, actually letting people know when I was frustrated, which seemed to actually help. My anxiety had gone down a lot, at least the physical symptoms of it. I was doing well coping and feeling pretty good about myself. I reached out to someone and got a positive response.
Yet somehow my social anxiety is creeping back in and I'm having trouble with sadness and anger. For a good number of months I found myself comfortable and happy, and even comfortable in just feeling sad and angry when I did, and then they would pass after that moment. Maybe it's just the cold, dark wintry weather that's got me down. Maybe it's because I try to do too much on my own. Sometimes I just don't know what to do or what will be best for me, and that is extremely frustrating. Maybe it's a combo of everything. Maybe it's trying to make something work that maybe just won't.
well enough vague blogging. I'm off to make myself some dinner and relax.
Happy and Healthy New Year World.
