Idealist Portrait of the Counselor (INFJ)
Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.
Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.
Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.
Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.
Mohandas Gandhi, Sidney Poitier, Eleanor Roosevelt, Jane Goodall, Emily Bronte, Sir Alec Guiness, Carl Jung, Mary Baker Eddy, Queen Noor are examples of the Counselor Idealist (INFJ).
taken from: http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=counselor
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
One Step at a Time
I can't believe how fast time flies. (such a cliche, but so true!)
I have been leading skills groups for two weeks now- or is it three? I can't even remember. It has been going better than I might have anticipated, though yesterday brought with it a tough group, but I had support from my coworkers. That's really the key in surviving in the mental health field anyway. That, and practicing the DBT skills that I'm teaching. Like telling myself that the situation could've been worse. It does really help. My job is finally feeling like work- work I like, but work nonetheless. The orientation/honeymoon phase is over. The real work begins. I wouldn't really trade it for anything else right now (except maybe an extended vacation on a beach, all expenses paid... but that's just my imagination running wild).
In flipping through channels on the tv tonight (the minimal amount of tv stations we get), I came across something interesting about Women to Women International on one of the public broadcast stations. This is the site for the organization: http://www.womenforwomen.org/
That then made me think about the Not for Sale Campaign, and human trafficking. It was a reminder of how important these issues are, and how passionate I felt about them just several months ago when I attended a conference on human trafficking. That also makes me think about the women that I taught English to, and listened to their stories during my JV year.
I come to understand the term "ruined for life" more and more each day. I just can't look at things the same anymore. Social Justice has taken on a new meaning in my life. I may not always be doing something, but the thoughts are often there. Spirituality has changed it's shape in my life, my work is my prayer. I notice in little interactions with people, or in over hearing conversations at work, that God is all around, in each of these people. I still think it's important to go to Church because it helps keep me grounded. The problem is I feel like I am searching for a parish to call home. For now I just hop from one place to another. I can't seem to find a place that feels as much like home as some in the past.
The parish I grew up in is okay, but there's something about the masses that doesn't quite feel right to me- I think they are often missing the aspect about what we can do to help and love our neighbors. Sometimes the priest focuses too much on what we shouldn't do, I think. Or on finances, and the restructuring that may need to take place in our diocese because of the lack of priests. Which reminds me, a couple weekends ago they mentioned that the laity is being asked to brainstorm about what could possibly happen to help the situation. In my head popped up some answers that surprised me myself- to change some of the standards about who can be a priest- broadening the spectrum- maybe having women as pastors would be helpful, or (i hesitate to say it, but...) allowing married men to become priests. Or perhaps all that needs to happen is greater responsibilities be given to lay people during masses/in running the churches. After my catholic school education I didn't agree with these things... however after the past year of developing my thoughts and listening to the opinions of others/making observations I have come to the conclusion that it might not be a bad idea to make allowances. I mean, there are plenty of other religious sects that have married/women ministers. Jesus had women as his closest followers (the Marys for instance).
Okay, so i went off on a tangent. Just felt the need to get those thoughts out there. Now I am very tired and need to go to bed. Gracias, Adios. Gracias a Dios.
I have been leading skills groups for two weeks now- or is it three? I can't even remember. It has been going better than I might have anticipated, though yesterday brought with it a tough group, but I had support from my coworkers. That's really the key in surviving in the mental health field anyway. That, and practicing the DBT skills that I'm teaching. Like telling myself that the situation could've been worse. It does really help. My job is finally feeling like work- work I like, but work nonetheless. The orientation/honeymoon phase is over. The real work begins. I wouldn't really trade it for anything else right now (except maybe an extended vacation on a beach, all expenses paid... but that's just my imagination running wild).
In flipping through channels on the tv tonight (the minimal amount of tv stations we get), I came across something interesting about Women to Women International on one of the public broadcast stations. This is the site for the organization: http://www.womenforwomen.org/
That then made me think about the Not for Sale Campaign, and human trafficking. It was a reminder of how important these issues are, and how passionate I felt about them just several months ago when I attended a conference on human trafficking. That also makes me think about the women that I taught English to, and listened to their stories during my JV year.
I come to understand the term "ruined for life" more and more each day. I just can't look at things the same anymore. Social Justice has taken on a new meaning in my life. I may not always be doing something, but the thoughts are often there. Spirituality has changed it's shape in my life, my work is my prayer. I notice in little interactions with people, or in over hearing conversations at work, that God is all around, in each of these people. I still think it's important to go to Church because it helps keep me grounded. The problem is I feel like I am searching for a parish to call home. For now I just hop from one place to another. I can't seem to find a place that feels as much like home as some in the past.
The parish I grew up in is okay, but there's something about the masses that doesn't quite feel right to me- I think they are often missing the aspect about what we can do to help and love our neighbors. Sometimes the priest focuses too much on what we shouldn't do, I think. Or on finances, and the restructuring that may need to take place in our diocese because of the lack of priests. Which reminds me, a couple weekends ago they mentioned that the laity is being asked to brainstorm about what could possibly happen to help the situation. In my head popped up some answers that surprised me myself- to change some of the standards about who can be a priest- broadening the spectrum- maybe having women as pastors would be helpful, or (i hesitate to say it, but...) allowing married men to become priests. Or perhaps all that needs to happen is greater responsibilities be given to lay people during masses/in running the churches. After my catholic school education I didn't agree with these things... however after the past year of developing my thoughts and listening to the opinions of others/making observations I have come to the conclusion that it might not be a bad idea to make allowances. I mean, there are plenty of other religious sects that have married/women ministers. Jesus had women as his closest followers (the Marys for instance).
Okay, so i went off on a tangent. Just felt the need to get those thoughts out there. Now I am very tired and need to go to bed. Gracias, Adios. Gracias a Dios.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
In the pain there is healing
I've been at my job for almost three weeks now, and so far I love it. I was hesitant to work with adolescents, but in reality they are great. I think I am enjoying the kids I work with now even more than the elementary school kids. Although they can be immature at times, they are intelligent and insightful, and are fairly good at following the rules we have at the program. These are teens filled with all sorts of emotions and struggling with a variety of issues- from depression and suicidal thoughts, to conduct disorders and the like. I am learning so much from listening to them tell parts of their stories, and feel like I'm starting to build rapport with some of them. I have not yet started to lead the social skills/DBT education groups. I am still observing and learning about the program, and getting to know the kids.
My coworkers form an interesting and caring team. They really have created a good therapeutic environment (in my opinion) with good structure and a sense of compassion. They know how to laugh and have a good time, as well as be serious about the work they are doing. They are by no means perfect, but my sense is that they work well together as a team. I think that makes me like where I am even more- I can see that you don't have to be a "perfect" thearpist/counselor/etc to do good work. It's really about engaging the patients in their therapy and making them feel welcome and willing to open up and learn new skills.
I have learned many new skills by listening and observing in the groups. DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) is very interesting, and I have been trying to incorporate the ideas that it presents into my daily life, which I am finding to be useful- particularly in dealing with anxiety and depression that creep up in my life.
Learning to be Mindful is a big one. I always knew that staying in the present was better for mental health, but I am finally learning ways to help me stay focused there. Really focusing on drawing myself into the present and not letting my thoughts wander too much (which is a very difficult task!).
I see a lot of myself, both past and present in these kids. In a way it is comforting to me to hear I am not alone in many of my struggles, and has helped me to really accept myself for who I am ("Radical Acceptance"). It definitely makes a difference. I think in a way I can readily understand what they are going through, and be able to be more empathetic. I just have to be careful not to project feelings or assume anything about others- we are all individuals with different life circumstances, perspectives, and thought processes.
Wow. I've written quite a bit. I think I'm ready to stop with my stream of consciousness writing now.
I do believe I am exactly where I am meant to be.
My coworkers form an interesting and caring team. They really have created a good therapeutic environment (in my opinion) with good structure and a sense of compassion. They know how to laugh and have a good time, as well as be serious about the work they are doing. They are by no means perfect, but my sense is that they work well together as a team. I think that makes me like where I am even more- I can see that you don't have to be a "perfect" thearpist/counselor/etc to do good work. It's really about engaging the patients in their therapy and making them feel welcome and willing to open up and learn new skills.
I have learned many new skills by listening and observing in the groups. DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) is very interesting, and I have been trying to incorporate the ideas that it presents into my daily life, which I am finding to be useful- particularly in dealing with anxiety and depression that creep up in my life.
Learning to be Mindful is a big one. I always knew that staying in the present was better for mental health, but I am finally learning ways to help me stay focused there. Really focusing on drawing myself into the present and not letting my thoughts wander too much (which is a very difficult task!).
I see a lot of myself, both past and present in these kids. In a way it is comforting to me to hear I am not alone in many of my struggles, and has helped me to really accept myself for who I am ("Radical Acceptance"). It definitely makes a difference. I think in a way I can readily understand what they are going through, and be able to be more empathetic. I just have to be careful not to project feelings or assume anything about others- we are all individuals with different life circumstances, perspectives, and thought processes.
Wow. I've written quite a bit. I think I'm ready to stop with my stream of consciousness writing now.
I do believe I am exactly where I am meant to be.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The Known and the Unknown
So I've decided to do a real update.
First, I did end up with the third job that I interviewed for. I start Monday with orientation. I am both excited and nervous. My supervisor called me yesterday to say I would be starting in the department on Tuesday, and we'd take it one step at a time. That was comforting to me- to know that they will work with me to make sure I know what I am going to be doing, how to do it, and getting to know my workplace and coworkers. To observe and really become part of something. I've been anxious in the few weeks that I've known I had the job, but couldn't start yet because of the preemployment physical that needed to be done. I had to keep reading the poem/prayer that helped me stay calm in my job search:
Patient Trust In Ourselves & The Slow Work Of God
By Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are all, quite naturally,
impatient in everything to reach the end
without delay.
We should like to skip
the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being
on the way to something unknown,
something new,
and yet it is the law of all progress
that is made by passing through
some stages of instability-
and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually –
let them grow,
let them shape themselves,
without undue haste.
Don't try to force them on,
as though you could be today
what time (that is to say, grace and
circumstances acting on your own good will)
will make you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you
and accept the anxiety of
feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.
The lines about being on the way to something unknown and feeling myself in suspense were key.
I came across some old journals lately, from as far back as high school. It was interesting to read them, to see what has changed, what remained the same, and laugh at where I thought I was going to be 5 years in the future... Funny how things work out. I realize I spent a lot of time thinking about the future, and maybe I should've spent more of my focus on the present. That's really something I'm trying to work at now.
I also watched some old home videos yesterday. It was funny and sad. I realized I was actually kind of obnoxious in some situations, but saw a quiet/nervous child in others. In one video, for my 12th birthday, my sister actually took one of my birthday presents out of my hand and said they were now hers. I was in shock! She was a pretty bold child. Another video showed the storm of 1996, where it snowed on April 10th- worse snow than we had all winter (according to my mother who was narrating). It was crazy the amount of snow! And how much the neighborhood had changed in 12 years. I could only watch so much of the videos- I started getting a little motion sickness because it moved around so much...
Well enough of my babble. Gotta go. praying I can get myself healthy again before I have to start work.
First, I did end up with the third job that I interviewed for. I start Monday with orientation. I am both excited and nervous. My supervisor called me yesterday to say I would be starting in the department on Tuesday, and we'd take it one step at a time. That was comforting to me- to know that they will work with me to make sure I know what I am going to be doing, how to do it, and getting to know my workplace and coworkers. To observe and really become part of something. I've been anxious in the few weeks that I've known I had the job, but couldn't start yet because of the preemployment physical that needed to be done. I had to keep reading the poem/prayer that helped me stay calm in my job search:
Patient Trust In Ourselves & The Slow Work Of God
By Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are all, quite naturally,
impatient in everything to reach the end
without delay.
We should like to skip
the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being
on the way to something unknown,
something new,
and yet it is the law of all progress
that is made by passing through
some stages of instability-
and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually –
let them grow,
let them shape themselves,
without undue haste.
Don't try to force them on,
as though you could be today
what time (that is to say, grace and
circumstances acting on your own good will)
will make you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you
and accept the anxiety of
feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.
The lines about being on the way to something unknown and feeling myself in suspense were key.
I came across some old journals lately, from as far back as high school. It was interesting to read them, to see what has changed, what remained the same, and laugh at where I thought I was going to be 5 years in the future... Funny how things work out. I realize I spent a lot of time thinking about the future, and maybe I should've spent more of my focus on the present. That's really something I'm trying to work at now.
I also watched some old home videos yesterday. It was funny and sad. I realized I was actually kind of obnoxious in some situations, but saw a quiet/nervous child in others. In one video, for my 12th birthday, my sister actually took one of my birthday presents out of my hand and said they were now hers. I was in shock! She was a pretty bold child. Another video showed the storm of 1996, where it snowed on April 10th- worse snow than we had all winter (according to my mother who was narrating). It was crazy the amount of snow! And how much the neighborhood had changed in 12 years. I could only watch so much of the videos- I started getting a little motion sickness because it moved around so much...
Well enough of my babble. Gotta go. praying I can get myself healthy again before I have to start work.
Some good advice
I found this on a random blog, and felt it was appropriate. So I'm posting it here..
THE GREATEST ADVICE
By Rick Warren (The Purpose Driven Life)
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger. Don't date
because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough &
know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!
Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or
anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because
your biological clock is ticking.
Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be
paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong
reasons.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best
of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty
habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on
duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for
your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care
of you.
You light up your life. You drive yourself to your
destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.
It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.
Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU
THE GREATEST ADVICE
By Rick Warren (The Purpose Driven Life)
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger. Don't date
because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough &
know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!
Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or
anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because
your biological clock is ticking.
Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be
paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong
reasons.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best
of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty
habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on
duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for
your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care
of you.
You light up your life. You drive yourself to your
destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.
It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.
Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU
Saturday, September 27, 2008
If my life was a movie...
What Type of Movie Would Your Life Be? | |
 | You life would be a Drama. You're rich in feeling and emotion. You constantly play life out in your mind, imagining the "ifs, ands, or buts." You constantly feel like the world is your audience, which might inevitably affect your sanity! While your passion is endearing, the over-dramatics may grow a bit too intense after a while. |
| Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com | |
Monday, September 15, 2008
Above all, trust in the slow work of God
I have been home for over a month now and no job yet. I've had three interviews since then. Only one official "sorry we cannot offer you a position" from the preschool job that I was interested in. I have another interview Wednesday, but I'm really hoping and praying for the job I just interviewed for last Thursday. That one was for a position as a mental health counselor at the behavioral health department in the hospital, working with adolescents with mental illness, picking them up from school and running therapeutic groups (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy- which I will be trained in). It seems like a great place to start, with opportunities to be trained and advance in the field. I really liked the people that I interviewed with. I am qualified for the job. Most people who start this position only have an associates degree, but usually go for further education- I'm one step ahead of that.
It was funny with this job, one of those "in the right place at the right time". I ran into one of my former neighbors at church and he mentioned working at the hospital. I decided to check out the employment on their website, looking for the specific position he had mentioned. I didn't see that, but a couple days later I applied for another position that looked interesting- figuring I fit the description so I might as well apply for it. Well, about an hour later I received a phone call from the director of the adolescent partial hospital program. The next day I met with her and the clinical coordinator. After hearing about the position and training, I remembered how before college I had thought about becoming a counselor/psychologist, but after taking the intro to psych decided to major in social work instead. I'm really hoping for the Mental Health Counselor job- this position would be a good entry level position into the mental health field. I've also been thinking lately how that would be great background if I decide to get a masters in Pastoral Ministry and Social work/counseling. Doing something in that field would really allow me to combine my interests of teaching, counseling, spirituality and art. I'm praying hard for this one, figuring God knows what's best.The fact that I can make that connection helps me stay positive about it. Also 3 happens to be a good number for me in general, and this was 'interview 3'. Well I'm getting hungry,so i'm gonna grab a bite to eat. I'll try to update again soon.
It was funny with this job, one of those "in the right place at the right time". I ran into one of my former neighbors at church and he mentioned working at the hospital. I decided to check out the employment on their website, looking for the specific position he had mentioned. I didn't see that, but a couple days later I applied for another position that looked interesting- figuring I fit the description so I might as well apply for it. Well, about an hour later I received a phone call from the director of the adolescent partial hospital program. The next day I met with her and the clinical coordinator. After hearing about the position and training, I remembered how before college I had thought about becoming a counselor/psychologist, but after taking the intro to psych decided to major in social work instead. I'm really hoping for the Mental Health Counselor job- this position would be a good entry level position into the mental health field. I've also been thinking lately how that would be great background if I decide to get a masters in Pastoral Ministry and Social work/counseling. Doing something in that field would really allow me to combine my interests of teaching, counseling, spirituality and art. I'm praying hard for this one, figuring God knows what's best.The fact that I can make that connection helps me stay positive about it. Also 3 happens to be a good number for me in general, and this was 'interview 3'. Well I'm getting hungry,so i'm gonna grab a bite to eat. I'll try to update again soon.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Wow, it's been a while since I've "blogged". Guess life just gets crazy, plus I've actually utilized my paper journal in that time.
Can't believe my JV year is already over! It went by so fast. It was an amazing experience. I loved Boston and my community, and the people I worked with at Casserly House.
God is good! That experience really made me "ruined for life"... really didn't understand that until the very end...and it's even more true now that I've earned my "F". I am definitely happy that I never gave up, though there were days earlier on when I did not think I'd make it through. Thank God for my community members- they really helped make it possible, whether they realize it or not- each one played a part in that!
I am constantly thinking back to the year, from the delicious dinners of my housemates (which I miss, and am trying to reproduce albeit not very successfully) to the moments of frustration and joy with the students at Casserly House.
I am also trying to adjust to being back home, and to being an adult living with my mother- it's a little sticky in areas... I'm happy to be back but really can't wait to move out. I'm happy with my decision though, because I really feel like I need this in my transition, and my mother could really use the help around the house.
Most of my time has been spent cleaning (my room is a disaster, plus needs a little updating and renovating), doing laundry, working on my job search, and hanging out with friends (which I don't do nearly enough). I am frustrated with the job situation, but i know that God has something in store for me... just wish I knew what I want/am suppose to be doing.
I have a job interview next Tuesday, praying it goes well, and will be a good fit. It is a position as an intensive case manager for adults with mental illness. The work is not on the top of my list of desired work, but it is a good position with good benefits, and will give me the experience that I need to move forward. Plus I may do some volunteer work with children to keep my sanity.
Can't believe my JV year is already over! It went by so fast. It was an amazing experience. I loved Boston and my community, and the people I worked with at Casserly House.
God is good! That experience really made me "ruined for life"... really didn't understand that until the very end...and it's even more true now that I've earned my "F". I am definitely happy that I never gave up, though there were days earlier on when I did not think I'd make it through. Thank God for my community members- they really helped make it possible, whether they realize it or not- each one played a part in that!
I am constantly thinking back to the year, from the delicious dinners of my housemates (which I miss, and am trying to reproduce albeit not very successfully) to the moments of frustration and joy with the students at Casserly House.
I am also trying to adjust to being back home, and to being an adult living with my mother- it's a little sticky in areas... I'm happy to be back but really can't wait to move out. I'm happy with my decision though, because I really feel like I need this in my transition, and my mother could really use the help around the house.
Most of my time has been spent cleaning (my room is a disaster, plus needs a little updating and renovating), doing laundry, working on my job search, and hanging out with friends (which I don't do nearly enough). I am frustrated with the job situation, but i know that God has something in store for me... just wish I knew what I want/am suppose to be doing.
I have a job interview next Tuesday, praying it goes well, and will be a good fit. It is a position as an intensive case manager for adults with mental illness. The work is not on the top of my list of desired work, but it is a good position with good benefits, and will give me the experience that I need to move forward. Plus I may do some volunteer work with children to keep my sanity.
Friday, May 2, 2008
I was going to do some work for work, but my supervisor told me to go home.
Then I thought maybe I was gonna do some blogging regarding my life right now and all the decisions I have to make in the next few months.
But I thought about it, and life is too short, so I'm stepping away from the computer and leaving work and going home to relax (and maybe watch Good Will Hunting all the way through, since I have yet to do that for the many times I've seen parts of it). I'll hopefully update soon.
If you wanna hear about my life, just ask I guess.
Peace
Then I thought maybe I was gonna do some blogging regarding my life right now and all the decisions I have to make in the next few months.
But I thought about it, and life is too short, so I'm stepping away from the computer and leaving work and going home to relax (and maybe watch Good Will Hunting all the way through, since I have yet to do that for the many times I've seen parts of it). I'll hopefully update soon.
If you wanna hear about my life, just ask I guess.
Peace
Thursday, March 13, 2008
AN excerpt from an email I received about social anxiety. It describes it so well. It really has nothing to do with my "leap of faith", except in my many attempts to overcome anxiety every day.
From Dr. Richards:A Possible Reason Why it is So Hard for Other People to Understand Social Anxiety...Recently, I was having a first appointment with a young woman from another state who had social anxiety. She and her mother had driven to Phoenix to see me. The diagnostic appointment was moving along fine, when the mother looked at me and said,"I try so hard to understand what my daughter is saying. But I've only been afraid two times in my life, and one of those times was when my husband held a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me."I was floored. The daughter looked at me with raised eyebrows, we exchanged glances, and I thought to myself: "Can this be real? This woman has only felt fear twice in her life?"I asked the mother again if that is what she meant. She thought about it and said "yes". I was still surprised.I looked at the daughter and said, "Well, people with social anxiety feel that level of fear and anxiety almost every day of their lives." The daughter's eyes grew wider and she began shaking her head in agreement. "Yeah, mom," she said, "didn't you know I felt afraid to do those things every day of my life?"This incident motivated me to start asking people who did not have social anxiety: "How many times in your life have you felt really fearful? Really afraid? We're not talking about butterflies in the stomach or a slight case of nerves. We're talking about fearing something."The answers I received to this question from people who did not have social anxiety surprised me greatly.The average answer people gave me was about seven times.I said to people, "Do you mean you have only felt deeply afraid or fearful seven times in your whole life?" and people would respond affirmatively.This dumbfounded me, because those of us who have social anxiety are fearful almost every day of our lives if we are engaged in life and have to meet new challenges because of school, work, or other social activities.Perhaps that is the reason other professionals, including psychologists and medical doctors, do not really understand social anxiety disorder. Not only have they never had it, they have never experienced the depth of the emotional, gut-wrenching fear and dread that occurs on a daily basis.I could tell you horror stories from my own life, when the fear and dread would overtake my body and brain and I could not function. I was simply too afraid.This is the hallmark of social anxiety: the heart-pounding fear and dreadful anticipation of social situations and events (things that other people are simply not bothered by). People without social anxiety can typically tell you a half dozen instances in their lives when they were really fearful. Those of us with social anxiety could tell them a half dozen instances in our lives on almost a daily basis that bring on fear.This is one thing that people without social anxiety do not understand.A second reason is that they cannot "see" the social anxiety or deeply-felt anxiety and fear in us -- we are very good at not wanting other people to see the fear in us. We could say we are very good "hiders". To those of you with social anxiety: More than hope exists for overcoming this traumatic disorder. People can and do overcome social anxiety. We have dozens of people currently at SAI who are in the process of doing this right now. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to live with social anxiety for the rest of your life. Don't let anything get in the way of getting better.
From Dr. Richards:A Possible Reason Why it is So Hard for Other People to Understand Social Anxiety...Recently, I was having a first appointment with a young woman from another state who had social anxiety. She and her mother had driven to Phoenix to see me. The diagnostic appointment was moving along fine, when the mother looked at me and said,"I try so hard to understand what my daughter is saying. But I've only been afraid two times in my life, and one of those times was when my husband held a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me."I was floored. The daughter looked at me with raised eyebrows, we exchanged glances, and I thought to myself: "Can this be real? This woman has only felt fear twice in her life?"I asked the mother again if that is what she meant. She thought about it and said "yes". I was still surprised.I looked at the daughter and said, "Well, people with social anxiety feel that level of fear and anxiety almost every day of their lives." The daughter's eyes grew wider and she began shaking her head in agreement. "Yeah, mom," she said, "didn't you know I felt afraid to do those things every day of my life?"This incident motivated me to start asking people who did not have social anxiety: "How many times in your life have you felt really fearful? Really afraid? We're not talking about butterflies in the stomach or a slight case of nerves. We're talking about fearing something."The answers I received to this question from people who did not have social anxiety surprised me greatly.The average answer people gave me was about seven times.I said to people, "Do you mean you have only felt deeply afraid or fearful seven times in your whole life?" and people would respond affirmatively.This dumbfounded me, because those of us who have social anxiety are fearful almost every day of our lives if we are engaged in life and have to meet new challenges because of school, work, or other social activities.Perhaps that is the reason other professionals, including psychologists and medical doctors, do not really understand social anxiety disorder. Not only have they never had it, they have never experienced the depth of the emotional, gut-wrenching fear and dread that occurs on a daily basis.I could tell you horror stories from my own life, when the fear and dread would overtake my body and brain and I could not function. I was simply too afraid.This is the hallmark of social anxiety: the heart-pounding fear and dreadful anticipation of social situations and events (things that other people are simply not bothered by). People without social anxiety can typically tell you a half dozen instances in their lives when they were really fearful. Those of us with social anxiety could tell them a half dozen instances in our lives on almost a daily basis that bring on fear.This is one thing that people without social anxiety do not understand.A second reason is that they cannot "see" the social anxiety or deeply-felt anxiety and fear in us -- we are very good at not wanting other people to see the fear in us. We could say we are very good "hiders". To those of you with social anxiety: More than hope exists for overcoming this traumatic disorder. People can and do overcome social anxiety. We have dozens of people currently at SAI who are in the process of doing this right now. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to live with social anxiety for the rest of your life. Don't let anything get in the way of getting better.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Dreams
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your mind off your goals." - Henry Ford
So I had this dream last night that really got me thinking, and I just had to analyze it to find out what it meant. I took the pieces of it, and looked up the pieces. I felt like it was worth sharing, or at least writing here so I could read it in the future.
The dream: I dreamed that I came to a spot where some people I knew (I'm not sure who they were, I just know that I knew them) were standing around some animal. At first I thought it was a giant fish, then shark, then it morphed, and someone said to me that it was a wolf. [side note: at this point I said "wow, a student in the after school program was writing a sentence for his vocabulary that was "beware of the wolf in the forrest"- which in actuality was the case during the day yesterday- which is where I think this wolf may have entered from, into my dream]. Then I saw some water flow from the wolf and I realized she was giving birth. The way that the baby appeared was very deer-like, but it was in deed a baby wolf.
The analysis of each part (via DreamMoods.com)
Wolf
To see a wolf in your dream, symbolizes beauty, solitude, mystery, self-confidence and pride. You are able to keep your composure in a variety of social situations and can blend in with any situation with ease and grace. You are a loner by choice. Negatively, it represents hostility and aggression. It may also reflect an uncontrollable force or situation in your life. In particular, if the wolf is white, then it signifies valor and victory. You have the ability to see the light even in your darkest hours.
To dream that you kill a wolf, indicates betrayal and secrets revealed.
Birth To dream of giving birth or see someone else giving birth, suggests that you are giving birth to a new idea or project. It also represents new beginnings or some upcoming event. A more direct interpretation of this dream, may represent your desires/ anxieties of giving birth or the anticipation for such an event to occur.
To dream that you are giving birth to a non-human creature, signifies you overwhelming (an unfounded) fear in the health of your baby. You are overly concerned that your baby may have birth defects. This type of dream is common in expectant mothers in their second trimester. If you are not expecting, then it refers to your fear in the outcome of some decision or project. You are trying to overcome difficulties in your life and achieve inner development. In particular, if you dream that you are giving birth to a monster, then it implies that your inner creative energy has yet to differentiate itself and grow into expression. You may hold some hesitation in releasing this "monster" for fear that others will judge your or that they will not accept your ideals.? To dream that the mother dies during birth, represents transformation. The dream represents the ending of one thing (death) and the new beginning of another thing (birth). You may be making life changes or getting rid of your old habits and ways.
Deer To see a deer in your dream, symbolizes grace, gentleness, and natural beauty. It has feminine qualities and may point to the feminine aspect within yourself. It also represents independence and virility. Consider the symbol to be a pun for someone who is "dear" to you.
Water To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. If the water is calm, clear, then it signifies that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation. If you are splashed by water, then it represents your need to be revitalized and more expressive. To dream that water is boiling, suggests that you are expressing some emotional turmoil. It also may mean that feelings from your unconscious are surfacing and ready to be acknowledged.?
To see muddy or dirty water in your dream, indicates that you are wallowing in your negative emotions. You may need to devote some time to clarify your mind and find internal peace. Alternatively, it suggests that your thinking/judgment is unclear and clouded. If you are immersed in muddy water, then it indicates that you are in over your head in a situation and are overwhelmed by your emotions.
To hear running water in your dream, denotes meditation, reflection and pondering of your thoughts and emotions.
Morphing To dream that you or someone is morphing into another person, suggests that you need to incorporate aspects of this other person into your own character.? You are in need of some change. Alternatively, you need to learn to see things from someone else's perspective and expand your awareness.
My analysis synthesis: From all this I see it as my struggle with confidence in leading the after school program- the frustrations, and all the ideas that I need to utilize and "give birth" to. I need to make changes, and am intuitive and aware of this. I see the water as a symbol of the spiritual searching I am doing and my cries to God to help me to make changes, and begin accepting responsibility.
So I had this dream last night that really got me thinking, and I just had to analyze it to find out what it meant. I took the pieces of it, and looked up the pieces. I felt like it was worth sharing, or at least writing here so I could read it in the future.
The dream: I dreamed that I came to a spot where some people I knew (I'm not sure who they were, I just know that I knew them) were standing around some animal. At first I thought it was a giant fish, then shark, then it morphed, and someone said to me that it was a wolf. [side note: at this point I said "wow, a student in the after school program was writing a sentence for his vocabulary that was "beware of the wolf in the forrest"- which in actuality was the case during the day yesterday- which is where I think this wolf may have entered from, into my dream]. Then I saw some water flow from the wolf and I realized she was giving birth. The way that the baby appeared was very deer-like, but it was in deed a baby wolf.
The analysis of each part (via DreamMoods.com)
Wolf
To see a wolf in your dream, symbolizes beauty, solitude, mystery, self-confidence and pride. You are able to keep your composure in a variety of social situations and can blend in with any situation with ease and grace. You are a loner by choice. Negatively, it represents hostility and aggression. It may also reflect an uncontrollable force or situation in your life. In particular, if the wolf is white, then it signifies valor and victory. You have the ability to see the light even in your darkest hours.
To dream that you kill a wolf, indicates betrayal and secrets revealed.
Birth To dream of giving birth or see someone else giving birth, suggests that you are giving birth to a new idea or project. It also represents new beginnings or some upcoming event. A more direct interpretation of this dream, may represent your desires/ anxieties of giving birth or the anticipation for such an event to occur.
To dream that you are giving birth to a non-human creature, signifies you overwhelming (an unfounded) fear in the health of your baby. You are overly concerned that your baby may have birth defects. This type of dream is common in expectant mothers in their second trimester. If you are not expecting, then it refers to your fear in the outcome of some decision or project. You are trying to overcome difficulties in your life and achieve inner development. In particular, if you dream that you are giving birth to a monster, then it implies that your inner creative energy has yet to differentiate itself and grow into expression. You may hold some hesitation in releasing this "monster" for fear that others will judge your or that they will not accept your ideals.? To dream that the mother dies during birth, represents transformation. The dream represents the ending of one thing (death) and the new beginning of another thing (birth). You may be making life changes or getting rid of your old habits and ways.
Deer To see a deer in your dream, symbolizes grace, gentleness, and natural beauty. It has feminine qualities and may point to the feminine aspect within yourself. It also represents independence and virility. Consider the symbol to be a pun for someone who is "dear" to you.
Water To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. If the water is calm, clear, then it signifies that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation. If you are splashed by water, then it represents your need to be revitalized and more expressive. To dream that water is boiling, suggests that you are expressing some emotional turmoil. It also may mean that feelings from your unconscious are surfacing and ready to be acknowledged.?
To see muddy or dirty water in your dream, indicates that you are wallowing in your negative emotions. You may need to devote some time to clarify your mind and find internal peace. Alternatively, it suggests that your thinking/judgment is unclear and clouded. If you are immersed in muddy water, then it indicates that you are in over your head in a situation and are overwhelmed by your emotions.
To hear running water in your dream, denotes meditation, reflection and pondering of your thoughts and emotions.
Morphing To dream that you or someone is morphing into another person, suggests that you need to incorporate aspects of this other person into your own character.? You are in need of some change. Alternatively, you need to learn to see things from someone else's perspective and expand your awareness.
My analysis synthesis: From all this I see it as my struggle with confidence in leading the after school program- the frustrations, and all the ideas that I need to utilize and "give birth" to. I need to make changes, and am intuitive and aware of this. I see the water as a symbol of the spiritual searching I am doing and my cries to God to help me to make changes, and begin accepting responsibility.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
What do you say to taking chances?
"Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you."- Richard Bach
Another year has gone by. 2007 was a pretty good year. A year of big leaps and changes, and taking chances. I have been drawn into a whole different world with JVC and post-college life. I am discovering new things about myself and about human relationships every day. I am learning about what I like to do... and what I don't like to do. I am seeing a lot of compassion in a lot of strangers and figuring out how strangers can become friends, and even how important "strangers" can be in our lives.
I have formed a relationships with my "regular" bus driver, with adult students in my morning classes, and the children in the after school program. Sometimes people push my buttons and I don't know how to react. Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm getting too close, like maybe I should keep my distance. And sometimes I can really see the impact that simply taking the time to listen to others can really give them hope and joy. Relationships are complicated, no matter what kind of relationship they are... complicated, heartbreaking, and wonderful all at the same time.
Each moment we have we can choose how we respond to the people in our lives, and the situations that arise. The quote at the beginning of my rambling appeared in my email inbox at such an appropriate time, as I struggle with the balance between closeness and distance. How you can be close to someone in location, but yet so distant, and then again so distant in location from a person, and so close to them. Really it boggles my mind. It's one of those things I guess, one of life's great mysteries.
Another year has gone by. 2007 was a pretty good year. A year of big leaps and changes, and taking chances. I have been drawn into a whole different world with JVC and post-college life. I am discovering new things about myself and about human relationships every day. I am learning about what I like to do... and what I don't like to do. I am seeing a lot of compassion in a lot of strangers and figuring out how strangers can become friends, and even how important "strangers" can be in our lives.
I have formed a relationships with my "regular" bus driver, with adult students in my morning classes, and the children in the after school program. Sometimes people push my buttons and I don't know how to react. Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm getting too close, like maybe I should keep my distance. And sometimes I can really see the impact that simply taking the time to listen to others can really give them hope and joy. Relationships are complicated, no matter what kind of relationship they are... complicated, heartbreaking, and wonderful all at the same time.
Each moment we have we can choose how we respond to the people in our lives, and the situations that arise. The quote at the beginning of my rambling appeared in my email inbox at such an appropriate time, as I struggle with the balance between closeness and distance. How you can be close to someone in location, but yet so distant, and then again so distant in location from a person, and so close to them. Really it boggles my mind. It's one of those things I guess, one of life's great mysteries.
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