I've been at my job for almost three weeks now, and so far I love it. I was hesitant to work with adolescents, but in reality they are great. I think I am enjoying the kids I work with now even more than the elementary school kids. Although they can be immature at times, they are intelligent and insightful, and are fairly good at following the rules we have at the program. These are teens filled with all sorts of emotions and struggling with a variety of issues- from depression and suicidal thoughts, to conduct disorders and the like. I am learning so much from listening to them tell parts of their stories, and feel like I'm starting to build rapport with some of them. I have not yet started to lead the social skills/DBT education groups. I am still observing and learning about the program, and getting to know the kids.
My coworkers form an interesting and caring team. They really have created a good therapeutic environment (in my opinion) with good structure and a sense of compassion. They know how to laugh and have a good time, as well as be serious about the work they are doing. They are by no means perfect, but my sense is that they work well together as a team. I think that makes me like where I am even more- I can see that you don't have to be a "perfect" thearpist/counselor/etc to do good work. It's really about engaging the patients in their therapy and making them feel welcome and willing to open up and learn new skills.
I have learned many new skills by listening and observing in the groups. DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) is very interesting, and I have been trying to incorporate the ideas that it presents into my daily life, which I am finding to be useful- particularly in dealing with anxiety and depression that creep up in my life.
Learning to be Mindful is a big one. I always knew that staying in the present was better for mental health, but I am finally learning ways to help me stay focused there. Really focusing on drawing myself into the present and not letting my thoughts wander too much (which is a very difficult task!).
I see a lot of myself, both past and present in these kids. In a way it is comforting to me to hear I am not alone in many of my struggles, and has helped me to really accept myself for who I am ("Radical Acceptance"). It definitely makes a difference. I think in a way I can readily understand what they are going through, and be able to be more empathetic. I just have to be careful not to project feelings or assume anything about others- we are all individuals with different life circumstances, perspectives, and thought processes.
Wow. I've written quite a bit. I think I'm ready to stop with my stream of consciousness writing now.
I do believe I am exactly where I am meant to be.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The Known and the Unknown
So I've decided to do a real update.
First, I did end up with the third job that I interviewed for. I start Monday with orientation. I am both excited and nervous. My supervisor called me yesterday to say I would be starting in the department on Tuesday, and we'd take it one step at a time. That was comforting to me- to know that they will work with me to make sure I know what I am going to be doing, how to do it, and getting to know my workplace and coworkers. To observe and really become part of something. I've been anxious in the few weeks that I've known I had the job, but couldn't start yet because of the preemployment physical that needed to be done. I had to keep reading the poem/prayer that helped me stay calm in my job search:
Patient Trust In Ourselves & The Slow Work Of God
By Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are all, quite naturally,
impatient in everything to reach the end
without delay.
We should like to skip
the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being
on the way to something unknown,
something new,
and yet it is the law of all progress
that is made by passing through
some stages of instability-
and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually –
let them grow,
let them shape themselves,
without undue haste.
Don't try to force them on,
as though you could be today
what time (that is to say, grace and
circumstances acting on your own good will)
will make you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you
and accept the anxiety of
feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.
The lines about being on the way to something unknown and feeling myself in suspense were key.
I came across some old journals lately, from as far back as high school. It was interesting to read them, to see what has changed, what remained the same, and laugh at where I thought I was going to be 5 years in the future... Funny how things work out. I realize I spent a lot of time thinking about the future, and maybe I should've spent more of my focus on the present. That's really something I'm trying to work at now.
I also watched some old home videos yesterday. It was funny and sad. I realized I was actually kind of obnoxious in some situations, but saw a quiet/nervous child in others. In one video, for my 12th birthday, my sister actually took one of my birthday presents out of my hand and said they were now hers. I was in shock! She was a pretty bold child. Another video showed the storm of 1996, where it snowed on April 10th- worse snow than we had all winter (according to my mother who was narrating). It was crazy the amount of snow! And how much the neighborhood had changed in 12 years. I could only watch so much of the videos- I started getting a little motion sickness because it moved around so much...
Well enough of my babble. Gotta go. praying I can get myself healthy again before I have to start work.
First, I did end up with the third job that I interviewed for. I start Monday with orientation. I am both excited and nervous. My supervisor called me yesterday to say I would be starting in the department on Tuesday, and we'd take it one step at a time. That was comforting to me- to know that they will work with me to make sure I know what I am going to be doing, how to do it, and getting to know my workplace and coworkers. To observe and really become part of something. I've been anxious in the few weeks that I've known I had the job, but couldn't start yet because of the preemployment physical that needed to be done. I had to keep reading the poem/prayer that helped me stay calm in my job search:
Patient Trust In Ourselves & The Slow Work Of God
By Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are all, quite naturally,
impatient in everything to reach the end
without delay.
We should like to skip
the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being
on the way to something unknown,
something new,
and yet it is the law of all progress
that is made by passing through
some stages of instability-
and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually –
let them grow,
let them shape themselves,
without undue haste.
Don't try to force them on,
as though you could be today
what time (that is to say, grace and
circumstances acting on your own good will)
will make you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you
and accept the anxiety of
feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.
The lines about being on the way to something unknown and feeling myself in suspense were key.
I came across some old journals lately, from as far back as high school. It was interesting to read them, to see what has changed, what remained the same, and laugh at where I thought I was going to be 5 years in the future... Funny how things work out. I realize I spent a lot of time thinking about the future, and maybe I should've spent more of my focus on the present. That's really something I'm trying to work at now.
I also watched some old home videos yesterday. It was funny and sad. I realized I was actually kind of obnoxious in some situations, but saw a quiet/nervous child in others. In one video, for my 12th birthday, my sister actually took one of my birthday presents out of my hand and said they were now hers. I was in shock! She was a pretty bold child. Another video showed the storm of 1996, where it snowed on April 10th- worse snow than we had all winter (according to my mother who was narrating). It was crazy the amount of snow! And how much the neighborhood had changed in 12 years. I could only watch so much of the videos- I started getting a little motion sickness because it moved around so much...
Well enough of my babble. Gotta go. praying I can get myself healthy again before I have to start work.
Some good advice
I found this on a random blog, and felt it was appropriate. So I'm posting it here..
THE GREATEST ADVICE
By Rick Warren (The Purpose Driven Life)
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger. Don't date
because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough &
know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!
Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or
anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because
your biological clock is ticking.
Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be
paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong
reasons.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best
of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty
habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on
duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for
your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care
of you.
You light up your life. You drive yourself to your
destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.
It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.
Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU
THE GREATEST ADVICE
By Rick Warren (The Purpose Driven Life)
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger. Don't date
because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough &
know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!
Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or
anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because
your biological clock is ticking.
Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be
paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong
reasons.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best
of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty
habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on
duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for
your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care
of you.
You light up your life. You drive yourself to your
destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.
It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.
Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU
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