For once I feel content, rather than worried, about not knowing what's going to happen next. Maybe it's the thought of the many possibilities that lie (or is that lay?) before me; maybe I've grown up and have learned to cope better; or maybe, just maybe I've learned to live in the present (at least for today :P )
Or maybe, as the lessons in Lost taught me this final season, I'm finally taking steps to let go of the past and lean on those around me for support and guidance. I think the more I cling to the past, the harder it is to move on and have hope and acceptance for whatever comes in the future.
I'm in the midst of not quite knowing what lies ahead. Many friends are married/getting married, buying houses, having babies, or joining religious orders. Yes, I do have a bunch of friends who are in a similar place as me too (single, in grad school, part-time job), but it's the others that get me wishing I wasn't where I am. But for some reason today I don't feel that way - I am happy for all my friends, and for once also content to be where I am. It means that many choices still wait ahead of me, but I am no longer feeling the sense of rush and urgency that I felt before. The next year will keep me busy with graduate school and figuring out where my life (and God) is leading me. I have options, and where as I saw that as stressful before, I'm content with just sitting with the questions, and waiting for life to unfold. It feels kind of freeing during these times like this, when I'm able to do it.
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