The Known and the Unknown

So I've decided to do a real update.
First, I did end up with the third job that I interviewed for. I start Monday with orientation. I am both excited and nervous. My supervisor called me yesterday to say I would be starting in the department on Tuesday, and we'd take it one step at a time. That was comforting to me- to know that they will work with me to make sure I know what I am going to be doing, how to do it, and getting to know my workplace and coworkers. To observe and really become part of something. I've been anxious in the few weeks that I've known I had the job, but couldn't start yet because of the preemployment physical that needed to be done. I had to keep reading the poem/prayer that helped me stay calm in my job search:

Patient Trust In Ourselves & The Slow Work Of God
By Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are all, quite naturally,
impatient in everything to reach the end
without delay.
We should like to skip
the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being
on the way to something unknown,
something new,
and yet it is the law of all progress
that is made by passing through
some stages of instability-
and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually –
let them grow,
let them shape themselves,
without undue haste.
Don't try to force them on,
as though you could be today
what time (that is to say, grace and
circumstances acting on your own good will)
will make you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you
and accept the anxiety of
feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.


The lines about being on the way to something unknown and feeling myself in suspense were key.

I came across some old journals lately, from as far back as high school. It was interesting to read them, to see what has changed, what remained the same, and laugh at where I thought I was going to be 5 years in the future... Funny how things work out. I realize I spent a lot of time thinking about the future, and maybe I should've spent more of my focus on the present. That's really something I'm trying to work at now.
I also watched some old home videos yesterday. It was funny and sad. I realized I was actually kind of obnoxious in some situations, but saw a quiet/nervous child in others. In one video, for my 12th birthday, my sister actually took one of my birthday presents out of my hand and said they were now hers. I was in shock! She was a pretty bold child. Another video showed the storm of 1996, where it snowed on April 10th- worse snow than we had all winter (according to my mother who was narrating). It was crazy the amount of snow! And how much the neighborhood had changed in 12 years. I could only watch so much of the videos- I started getting a little motion sickness because it moved around so much...

Well enough of my babble. Gotta go. praying I can get myself healthy again before I have to start work.